May 16, 2015

Memories of Motherhood

Six months. It’s been just six months that I became a mother; and I already have memories of a lifetime with my little girl. Three years into marriage, we were never in a hurry for a baby. I was never one of those typical girls who would find every baby cute, sweet, chubby and - the most exploited word - ‘adorable’. Keeping babies as wallpapers, coochie cooing were not meant for me. This doesn’t make me a snob or baby-hater; because I love playing with them. But becoming a mother changed me entirely. Becoming a mother made me look at babies through a different eye, the eye of a mother. A mother is the only one made by God who can love her child for what he/she is (fathers are not far behind).

Drifting back to the hour when I was rushed for an emergency C-section, I was in excrutiating labour pain. In sometime, I hear my doctor’s polite voice, It’s a girl, Rajani.. (pause) you are getting emotional.. (pause) However cliched it may sound, that moment made all the pain I suffered worth it and I had an emotional outburst. The doctors brought my tiny liitle one – who was right inside me for the last few months – close to me to kiss her. Ah! I wanted my specs to have a clear look. My dear doctor did get them for me and there I saw our daughter for the first time.
After an hour or so, she was brought to me in the room to be breastfed. And she did her job as if she was already tutored for it! Till the time she started solid food I took great pride in the unparalleled feeling that I’m her provider.

Throughout pregnancy, my husband and I would discuss our soon-to-begin parenthood and reminisce our own childhood. Secretly I would be thinking of the stretch marks & scars that my baby would leave on my body after he/she is brought out from the magical world of darkness - that is my tummy!

Today is part of that stage in my life where my respect for all the mothers and babies around me has multiplied to a great deal. However the child may be, cute or not, fair or dark she is everything for her mother. I suddenly started finding children sweet and cute; adorable too! I started to realise how birth of a child is also birth of a mother, how my birth changed my mother’s life too.

When my little one was about 4 months, she started recognising her lunchbox – Me. When I held her to pacify her from crying, – after failed attempts by somebody else - yippee she stopped crying. How does that feel? There was a trust in that tiny little mind for her mother.  Her rising recognition of her mother has only increased my responsibility and protection towards her. My family and friends smile at her, she smiles back in acknowledgement. However the kind of acknowledging smile I get in return for my wackiest crazy smile.. hang on, is the longest and widest ear-to-ear one.

Who doesn’t want to eternalise such alluring beautiful moments?

Motherhood for me is yet in the embryonic stage; I have years of happiness ahead of me. Of course, there are going to be arguments and fights with my daughter. Yet, her going to bed with her stomach full, reaching school, college, office on time will be a priority till the time I cease to exist. I can be sure of that. Why? Because that’s how my mother has been for ever with me and my brother. She will not tell me this; and I know I need not ask her.

All I have thoroughly understood in these very few months is that my most beautiful memories of motherhood need not be created just by incidents or situations but also by mere gazing at her unworldly face while asleep after huge bouts of tantrums and crying leaving me completely drained and fatigued. Perhaps this is what is called unconditional love.

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